Waaagh Gonark
by Gilead
Summary: This is the flavour text for my wargaming army, just something for a laugh.


WAAAGH! GONARK  
  
Da Background for Da Army  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Warhammer or Games Workshop. If I did, then my fiction would be appearing in their books instead of here. Simple concept really.  
  
"All right boyz, listen up, dis here is da background of Waagh! Gonark. Said Wakko, an Orc Shaman.  
  
"Hey Wakko, what is a background?" Asked Stikkdeff  
  
"Its da story behind dis 'ere army." Replied Wakko  
  
"Then why do them 'umies call it da background 'cause I fink da background is da ground behind yer back. Why don't them stoopid 'umies call it da story behind da army then?" Commented Skwish  
  
"Those 'umies are strange." Eezoff continued "Like I started, dis 'ere is da background of Waagh! Gonark. First fing first, you don't wanna get on da wrong side of Gonark 'case once he get angry he gets really angry. Remeber he showed dat pooncy Wood Elf Kommander Kuroen 'oos da boss, mangled 'im up real good, sent 'is son krazy to. Gonark has both dere 'eads on stikks at home.  
  
"Gonark yer see is da Warboss of da Evil Skullz tribe of which you lot are part. Gonark started of by defeetin' da uuver Warboss, wat woz 'is name, umm, err, Doofus, yere dat woz 'is name. Anyway Doofus and Gonark had an 'eadbuttin' kontest yer see, and Gonark 'eadbutted Doofus so 'ard that went flying back so hard dat he landed 'ead first on da big dunny rock were we all go to relieve ourselves. Anyway Doofus got 'is 'ead hit so hard by both Gonark and da dunny rock dat 'is 'ead went insode 'is body, POP, one second 'es got an 'ead and da next 'e dusont.  
  
"So after that da boyz dat liked Doofus got one of doze 'umies bullz and fed it lots and lots of mad cap mushroomz, enuff to make it foam at both endz. So dey get dis foaming bull and get it to go after Gonark. but Gonark is cleva, wot 'e duz is 'e grabz 'is axe, now dis 'ere axe isn't any old axe, dis axe is a really big, slice ya from nuts to neck, tree choppin, 'ead kleavin, rock smashin' 'uge axe. So wot gonark doze is 'e picks up 'is axe and as da bull is chargin' towardz 'im, still foamin' at both endz mind ya. Anyway when da bull gets close Gonark readys 'is axe and as da foaming bull is just about ta hit 'im Gonark grabs it by da hornz and de- nogginizes it. Fere youz dat don't know wat de-nogginizing meanz, its eazy, it means kutting of da enemyz 'ead.  
  
"After dis Gonark goez around makin' all da boyz in da tribe say dat 'e is da bestest warboss that they 'ave ever 'ad. By doin' dis 'e findz out hoo fed da bull and makes dem eat da entire bull. So now all da boyz dat liked Doofus are now foamin' at both endz and dey are killed by Gonark 'imself. Yer know dat skull dat Gonark always has on, well dat is da skull from dat bull dat foamed at both endz.  
  
"So after all da orcs in da tribe have sayed dat dey will follow Gonark dey start to go up towardz da Empire. But first we had to go trough da landz were thoez pooncy Bretonnianz and pooncy Wood Elvez live. Now I'll tell ya 'bout Kouran, da pointy-eared git dat tryed to stop Gonark from chopin down da treez. Wez were doin' dis fer a long time when Kouran cumz up to uz wiv an army and sayz to stop dis 'ere choppin' down of da treez.  
  
"So Gonark goez up to 'im and sayz 'Letz Rock'. So after um, won, err twoz, umm, ahh, got it now. So after da numba bigga dan two battlez Gonark finally killed that pooncy Wood Elf git and stuck iz 'ead on da chariot. When iz son found out about dis, he went crazy, I mean real crazy, so crazy a doped out fanatic seemz not crazy. So, da son gets an army and runz at Gonark, iz mouth is foamin' really bad, I mean really really bad. I should know I woz dere you see.  
  
"So da son charges Gonark but Gonark is ready for 'im, Gonark lifts iz axe and gets ready to kill 'im but dat stoopid pointy-eared git grabz is stikk and stabz Gonark wiv it, right in da arm pit. Now Gonark can't attack as he can't get his arm to grab is axe as dat stikk stops im from doin it. But wot da pointy-eared git does not realize is dat Gonark is still da dealiest Orc around, even wiv out 'iz axe.  
  
"Now Gonark grabz da git by da neck and bitez is 'ead right off. Gonark ate da entire pointy-eared git wivout kooking it. So ever wun else iz followin' Gonark and eatin all da pointy-earz wivout kooking dem. Az I woz dere I can tell you lot dat eatin point-earz wiv out kooking dem iz not somefing dat I would do again.  
  
"But da story duzzunt end dere, no way, da story iz alwayz kontinuing thru our actionz and battlez. So remember dat for da next story." Concluded Wakko. And wiv a mighty explozion Wakko'z 'ead made a teriffik BANG dat killed all da boyz in da front rowz. 


End file.
